Campus Confidential Confessions

                I was going to procrastinate a bit more but the current events in the cyber world (read Facebook) have compelled me to act upon it soon. The contemporary trend on Mark Zuckerberg’s social network is that of ‘Confession Pages’; seems like every college has one. Naturally, my college has one too. So…why does it appeal to the Smartphone totting youth of my college? The answer is really simple. You can post most vicious and mean things about people, and that too anonymously! Looks like everyone is turning into a Gossip Girl. Well! I used to watch that series; and let me be honest…I quite liked it (please do not judge me on this basis). Drama and all that shit are fine on the screen. But who knew that the bitchiness would materialize in the form of a confession page!

                Let me explain the modus operandi of this page to you. There is an Administrator, let us title him/her the unprecedented Gossip Girl, who handles this page. Students anonymously send in their tips/confessions about their fellow denizens to the administrator who then posts it on the Confession Page. Most of the posts on the page are cheesy love confessions about people who seem to be at the top of the social pyramid (in their own bloody heads) and the college quadrangle being their empire. Other posts include people unnecessarily being mean and trying to pull each other down; sort of reminds me about the ‘Burn Book’ from Mean Girls. There are a few genuine and sweet confessions/compliments about people, which in fact is very rare. Some people manage to embarrass themselves and that definitely has no romantic angle. There are a few creepy posts too – “Your hair smells nice, I make myself happy (euphemism used here. The obvious meaning being *you know what I mean*) on the last bench of the class and wipe my hands on other people’s shirt, I like you and we could have wonderful babies, etcetera etcetera”. Such confessions will undoubtedly earn these folks a restraining order.

                Another intriguing thing about this page is people’s sense of grammar; horrible grammar and atrocious English, a perfect recipe for a laugh riot. The good thing about this page being that psychology students have got a lot of personalities and subject matter which they could use in their assignments. The confession page is more of a gossip generator; a device that is used by people so that they can be downright mean and ridicule others. Whoa! You bash people up by anonymously posting mean things about them on the cyber space. You must be a cool person of the highest order and NOT a cyber bully. Really! People need to get a life. As long as this was harmless fun, I didn't mind it. But people have really gone to extreme ends and posted awful things. People might have a breakdown or something. Let’s just hope that the Gossip Girl shows some restrain and censors all the mean posts. I would like to end this blogpost with a quote from Gossip Girl, the original drama series –

“Some masks we put on because it’s truly who we want to be. Some we wear because we can’t bear to face what’s really underneath. Or because it’s what someone else need us to be. And some masks we wear because we hope to stay HIDDEN. But that’s the problem with wearing masks. They can be ripped off at any moment.”

PS – I would like to thank my friend, Mohima Barua, for her inputs.

For Charlie, Sam and Patrick : The Perks of Being a Wallflower

                                There are some books that stay with you forever and become a part of you. No matter what you do, the characters keep coming back to you and hang on to your psyche and heart. Stephen Chbosky’s The Perks of Being a Wallflower is one such book. Written in an epistolary format, the book touches the inner most cells of your heart and moves you. Being a fan of letters, I loved his style of writing. The simplicity and confessional nature of the entire novel kept me gripping. It is one of those books which don’t need a bookmark because you can’t keep it down until you finish it.

                                It is not one of those literary fiction books which is heavy in content or anything of that sort. It is a simple narrative of a high school boy named Charlie and his psychological proceedings. Chbosky has avoided the use of heavy words and kept it very simple. That is the beauty of the book. I was able to connect with it on many levels. The words not seem to come from but through and manage to carve a niche in your soul. Chbosky has created characters which make you believe that they do really exist in the real world; that you could instantly be friends with them.

                The protagonist of the novel is Charlie who writes letters disclosing his personal problems and events of his life to this person whose identity is not disclosed to the readers. Thus begins an epic journey of self discovery, finding your own set of people and feeling infinite with them because you know that you belong. Charlie along with his two best friends Sam and Patrick experiments with various things and help each other out through those poignant days of what we call it as ‘growing up’.

                The characters in this book seem very real. I developed a bond with them. After I finished reading the book, I was devastated because I didn’t know what to do. I re-read certain sections of the novel. I was hung-over with the characters and couldn’t let them go. And finally I’ve managed to write this blogpost after almost a month or something after finishing the book. Only a bibliophile knows what it is to let go of a fictional character that you love so much. But then, I know that they aren’t far away. All I have to do is open the book and read it, again. Charlie, Sam and Patrick have become an eternal part of me (along with many other fictional characters that I adore).

P.S – This one is for you Charlie, Sam and Patrick.

                               

Assignments, Sleep and Everything in Between

                                 Being a procrastinator of the highest order, it took a lot of efforts and determination to finally come up with a new post; some credit goes to my friend Ankita (a very enthusiastically absurd yet awesome person). So we were chatting on BBM and we realized that we hadn't posted anything on our respective blogs since a long time. And thus began the quest to write a new blog post.

                                As soon as my college reopened after a week of Christmas, I was bombarded with a million assignments (actually only 8 assignments but I’m a fan of hyperbole, you see!). Some assignments were interesting and others were pretty drab. I've managed to complete 3 assignments till now. This means another 5 to go. Damn! Still a long way to go. They say that internet was meant to help us and make things easier. Darn right! Whiling away time has become so easy and it has sort of helped me to get over my boredom. I’ve been doing everything but completing the pending assignments. Also I have realized that when you have a lot of things to do, sleep comes to you without even trying. Since I’m huge patron of an incredible slumber, I never reject its proposition.

                                Besides sleeping away to glory, I watched a couple of movies. I saw Lost In Translation which truly made me question my existential crisis and ennui. I understood one thing from that movie – If you don’t know what you are supposed to be, it is absolutely fine. Most of the people are lost. We all get there eventually – “Charlotte: I just don't know what I'm supposed to be.
Bob: You'll figure that out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you." Another movie that I saw was by Josh Radnor called Liberal Arts. It managed to touch me because I could relate.” to it. There was a dialogue in the movie – “A liberal arts education solves all your problems.” - being a student of English Literature, I knew how true that was. Liberal arts set your soul alight. It takes you to places where you’ve never been before. Solace is what I find in it. The movie had many things that I like such as – books, cafes, letters, bookstores, etc. Also, the movie has one of the best soundtrack lists ever. The next movie that I watched was The Breakfast Club. It’s a brilliant movie about five high school stereotypes pouring their hearts out during detention and sharing their adolescent crisis and fears - “Spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself and a little less time to impress people.”

                                Other things which have shifted my focus from my assignments include reading novels and poetry, reading blogs, finding funny memes on internet and writing letters to my friends (about which I shall elucidate later), re-arranging my study table which is already clean, etcetera, etcetera. I started reading Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. So far, I quite like the book and his writing style. Coming back to letters….I adore hand written letters. I have an unhealthy obsession with pretty stationery which I use to write letters. In this age of emails, there’s something about letters which makes me happy.

It is high time that I start working on my assignments before the panic attacks kill me. So that’s me; currently stuck in assignments, sleep and everything in between

Those Doleful Eyes…

                         Those were the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen in my life. Those eyes had no sparkle or a tinkle in them. They seemed like the still water of a dark lake. And the irony was that that they looked calm and miserable at the same time. The countenance on her face was very deplorable. A packet of ‘Parle G’ clutched in one hand and a few coins in other; she looked at me with hope. She must have been 6-8 years old. Her hair was cropped. She had worn a magenta coloured top and skirt which was frayed at several places. She looked fragile and lost. She advanced towards me with an expectation to get some alms in return; maybe a rupee or two. Usually I don’t give alms to children. Instead I give food to them. Since I didn’t have any food with me, I ignored her and continued listening to music as the train passed through Chembur station.

                        But something kept on bothering me. I realized that I was so lucky that my parents could provide me with everything that I needed. Because of my parents I had access to education and a plethora of opportunities whereas that little girl was helpless. She had no access to basic human needs. There are many children like her who are denied their childhood. They are made to beg. And I felt really bad about it. My eyes were almost moist. I succeeded in suppressing my break down which otherwise would have resulted in public humiliation. Yet, I couldn’t shake out that feeling.

                        So, I called that girl and gave her twenty rupees. Not that it would have helped her a lot but anyway I would have ended up spending it on some silly thing. And if that was making her happy I was ready to give it to her. She took the note from me and went and stood near the exit. As Kurla station approached, she got down. She came to the window where I was sitting and smiled at me. That was the most genuine and warm smile I had ever seen.  The train started to move ahead and she disappeared in the crowd on the platform. I looked out for her until she vanished out of my sight. And there I sat in the train, contemplating about children like her whose childhood was tormented.

Dream On...

“When you really want something, the whole universe conspires in helping you achieve it.”

-The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

***

And I was scared when they questioned my dreams. I thought; maybe they were right. It’s just a dream after all. It won’t even come true. But who was I tricking. My goals where set and the target was locked. I had to achieve what I had dreamt of. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I would have to face those imbeciles who thought that I would never succeed. I’ve learnt that self deception and living in denial are the worst things you could do to yourself. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will.

Don’t let the world tell you what you cannot do. Stand up for your ideas and for yourself. Do what you feel like. Breathe. Go for a walk. Write a poem. Tell a lie. Live your life. Go chase your dreams. There’s no point in living in an eternal penumbral shadow of other’s aspirations and expectations. If you can’t pick your own dreams and paths, then that life is of no use. You may feel scared, lost and blah! Everyone does. But at times, one has to take that leap of faith and just walk down the path. All you have to do is dedicate yourself completely to your dreams. Work towards them. Believe you deserve everything you dream about.

Don’t expect everyone to support you. Some will and some won’t. Remember, friends come and go. But hang on to those precious one’s who have stuck around. In the process of materializing your dreams, you will have to face failures. Make sure you take it positively. Don’t give up that easily. And the dreams might not necessarily be about career. Your dream might be to become a better person, exercising to be become healthy and fit, finish that half read novel, etc. Be unconventional be quirky, and be full of life. Be whatever you want to be. Just don’t forget to DREAM ON….

***

“I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –

I took the one less travelled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

-         The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost