Jerks, Jerks Everywhere!!!

Heya people! This article is based on all the jerks present in my college and their antics. I think I've written this article in a sarcastic and a satirical manner. I hope that has delivered well! I hope u guys like it. So read on and have a good laugh.....

Act 1, Scene 1:

I’m sitting in the college in my classroom. As usual…I’m sulking about the fact that “Why-the-hell-I’m-in-Mary’s!?!?” Just then the guy I hate the most in my class (by the way…the list is really very long! :p) comes all of a sudden and sits next to me. I’ve titled this boy as “CHOCOBOY” because he keeps on spraying the Axe Dark Chocolate Deo. Now try to visualize – A very wannabe guy, millions of wrist bands on his wrist (which my ex-class teacher rightfully used to call ‘BANGLES’), the topmost button of his shirt open…trying to flaunt his body…which infact is 2-dimensional!! Wearing his pants (which can slip down at any moment!) on the groin. Dirty flashy sneakers which he thinks is very ‘KEWL’!!! Conclusion- The typical roadside ‘Kya aap mujshe Fraandship karoge?’ types!!

Chocoboy: “Arrey kya re! Tu mujhse baat kyu nahi karta?”

Me: (Trying to act normal and suppress my laughter) “What!? Are you talking to me?”

Chocoboy: “Tujhe mujhse koi problem hai kya?”

Me: (Wondering whether the guy is perpetually dumb and a total jerk or whether something is wrong with me. But I agree with the former…:p) “No! It’s nothing like that. I was busy doing my work. That’s why I didn’t notice you!” (God! I’m such a terrible liar)

Chocoboy: “Accha…! Wohi toh! Tu toh mera fraand hai na!” (keeping his hand on my shoulder.)

I thought…okay now I’ll have to take a bath with acid!

Act 1, Scene 2:

It’s a typical classroom scene. I’m engrossed in reading a novel. Just then I here the following conversation.

Skinny Girl: “Oh shits!” (mind it…the shit is plural and not singular. So here we go…SHITS!) “ Oh shits! Woh mujhe dekh raha hai! Main kya karu?” (As if Orlando Bloom or Hugh Jackman is looking at you! You shithead!)

*Note-The “Woh” in this context is the Chocoboy.

Fat Girl: “Arrey…tu usse dekh mat. Nahi toh usse lagega ki to usse bhaav de rahi hai. Ladko ko toh tadpana chahiye!” (with the typical bollywood tone...speaking as if she has done a PhD on boys.)

The skinny girl thinks that is the babe of the college...some celestial beauty. The fat girl is the most boisterous girl I’ve ever come across…she is soooo loud!!! These people really don’t have brains! They are so jobless. All they talk is nonsense. And yeah…how can I forget their grammatically incorrect English! I die laughing when they start speaking in English! By the way…all of them are from English medium!!! I’m not underestimating them! It’s just that these people are morons! Sometimes I feel like locking up all of them in a building and then blow it up!!

Act 1, Scene 3:

We have to segregate during the IT lecture. So I have to shift to Sarah’s class. Thank god that Sarah is in Mary’s…otherwise I would’ve been dead by now! IT lectures are always boring. And god only knows why the hell in the world the IT teacher targets me every time! *Argh!* Sarah and I are talking with each other. The conical pendulum (that’s the name we’ve given to the girl because of her ear rings which keep on oscillating forever!) and her friends start poking Sarah from behind. The other girl i.e. conical pendulum’s friend thinks that she is very “Chulbulee Ladki types”

Chulbulee Ladki type means…the typical girls from the serials…trying to act very innocent and blah blah blah! The one’s who maarofy typical dialogues. Eg. “Mere baba kehete hain ki hamein bahot mehenat karni chahiye!” and all that crap! Roflmao!

The chulbulee ladki continuously goes on poking Sarah.

Sarah: “What’s your problem?”

Chulbulee Ladki: “Kya hua? Maine kya kiya?” (as if nothing happened at all expression!)

Sarah: “Just stop it okay! Can’t you just shut up?”

Chulbulee Ladki: “Pant down.”

I and Sarah look at each other and laugh our asses out on the “Shut up pant down” thing! That was the line we used to say in the 1^st standard! These people are so damn lame.

The IT teacher is teaching something about networking and internet. The Chocoboy cracks a dimwitted joke-“MTNL JADOO” and the whole class bursts out laughing except me and Sarah. That wasn’t even funny at all! Infact that stupid statement didn’t even qualify to be a sentence!!! For Christ’s sake shut up you friggin douche!

Act 1, Scene 4:

It’s the recess time now. Boys and girls are supposed to be millions of miles away from each other! But still, I and Sarah risk our lives and talk to each other and share our tiffins. All the students in the corridor try to turn their heads 360 degrees to stare at us as if we’ve committed a God forbidden crime! Then they start gossiping amongst themselves.

These people are such schmucks! I wish I could slap them!

***

I’ve survived in Mary’s just because of Sarah, Paritosh, Veneet and Ashish! If these people wouldn’t have been there with me…then I would have been dead ages ago! The ultimate pass time is to pass comments on all the wannabe people and criticizing the college which I personally enjoy a lot!! J *evil smile*!! Well! These are the jerks/morons whom I’ve to tolerate everyday! But the funniest part about it is that I love it because I get to laugh at them (I’m surely going to hell for this!!)…..

PS- There might have been parts where I’ve exaggerated and made it emphatic with an overstatement!! ;) :p…..

Utopia Attained...

Heya people! I’m back! It feels so good to post again! Its been five effing months that I haven’t posted anything. Well thanks to my PC that it isn’t working (well….its still not working! Damn)!!! So here I present you another story. Hope you all like it. Happy reading!!

Was he dreaming!? The answer was no! He felt a stinging pain in his stomach. The taste of poison was still lingering on his taste buds. His hand was paining due to the needles of the IV tube. He laid motionless, poignancy on his face but his mind racing with many thoughts.

Sanjay Murthy was an average looking 18-year old, indomitable and hard working bourgeois. He was rhapsodic about literature and that’s the reason he chose Arts. He wanted to become an Author. It was his ultimate goal of life. Fighting all odds and facing resistance from his family, he enrolled himself for Arts. He knew that there’s no shortcut to become a good writer. He believed that destiny and hard work go hand in hand. But the emphasis was more on the latter.

And now he lay somberly on the hospital’s bed with wrinkled sheets beneath him. He himself didn’t know why he attempted suicide. Maybe he thought that he was done with living his part and through which he could possibly attain nirvana. Or perhaps he was just fed up.

But at this moment, he fathomed hard about how would he face his family? How would he react to their incredulous behaviour? He felt perturbed. He wanted to burst out crying. But he wasn’t a lachrymose. He didn’t want people telling him anymore that that he was too sensitive. That might have been a possible reason for his suicide attempt.

Now he would be under constant supervision. His parents would scrutinize him 24x7! Afterall he had had a failed suicide attempt. He felt like such a jerk. He couldn’t even end his life perfectly.

Out of the blue there was a knock on his door. It was his mother. Mrs. Murthy entered the room. Both of them gazed at each other, not knowing what to say. It was one of those moments where you want to say a million things to the person standing right across you, but you are not just able to express it. The silence was killing him. Finally she spoke.

“How are you feeling now?” she said, trying hard to hold back her tears. She didn’t want to cry in front of him.

Clearing his throat he said, “I’m feeling better now. But did the hospital file a police complaint?”

“No” said his mother. “Your father’s friend is a doctor in this hospital. He’ll take care of that.”

Mrs. Murthy wanted to ask Sanjay that why had he taken such a drastic step. But then she realized that it wasn’t the right time. So, she left the room, letting her beloved son to go off to sleep.

Sanjay didn’t feel like sleeping. He drifted away in the thoughts of his father. Sanjay’s dad was an civil engineer. He wanted his son to follow his steps so that he could take over his business. Sanjay’s elder brother was too studying civil engineering. It was his last year and then he would finally emerge out as an engineer. But Sanjay was never interested in engineering. He wanted to create his own identity. He wanted to be known. He wanted to defy the stereotypical clichés of the society. He didn’t merely want to exist but LIVE. He wanted to leave his mark in world.

After a couple of days, Sanjay was discharged from the hospital. He returned home. He felt so good. He felt he was away for long, it seemed eternity to him. He tried to live normally. But he felt conscious at the way how people stared at him. They constantly resuscitated him. He felt like an alien!

He decided to prove it to others that he had that spark and charisma within him which can make the world go round. He had faced humiliation in high school. But then he thought the world is full of jerks excluding him and the people whom he knew. Why argue with them? He had suffered in silence. But now, that was enough!

Sanjay thought, “God, I know that I’ve gone wrong. But give me the strength to bring my dreams to veracity.” The thing that distinguished Sanjay from the crowd was that he dared to dream. Now he was working on his dreams to come true. He felt transformed from within. He felt inspired.

The lyrics of his favourite song ‘Coming Back To Life’ by the band ‘Pink Floyd’ came rushing through his mind –

“Outside the rain fell dark and slow

While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime

I took a heavenly ride through one silence

I knew the moment had arrived

For killing the past and coming back to life…..”

He began to live his life once more. He surely deserved a second chance and God had given it to him. He made the most out of it. He began what he loved the most – Reading and Writing. Writing was his passion. Writing gave him the colossal happiness and satisfaction. No one could stop him now. He was chasing his desire.

He managed to write a few stories. He asked his friends’ opinion about his stories. His friends were his world and indeed the best possible critics he could find. His friends really loved the stories he had written.They suggested him to send the stories to a youth magazine. He did the same. To his surprise, his stories were published in the magazine. The magazine loved his articles and stories so much that they offered him to write a column in their magazine. Well! He was a columnist now and that was just the beginning…

***

Now, Sanjay sat on a leather couch with a novel in his hands. A steaming cup of coffee – ‘No milk less sugar, as he liked it’ – was placed on the coffee table. He finished reading the novel and closed it. He saw the cover page of the novel. It read – “Feeling Of Loss –by Sanjay Murthy.” At the age of 21, Sanjay become the national best selling author. His success was phenomenal.

He carefully placed the novel on the table, sipped the coffe and thought about the complex simplicity of life. What if he hadn’t gathered the courage to follow his dreams and reach his destiny? What if he hadn’t made that gamble? But he did. The life which he had imagined was now in reality. He had attained his utopia as he imagined it to be…..

***

PS – I know the story is little bit naïve and juvenile. But I feel that there is a Sanjay Murthy in each one of us, trying hard to break free. One should follow their dreams and fulfill their desires. Sometimes we just need to sit back and listen to our heart. It might take us to a different place. We might explore our innerselves and find a different person altogether, who is stuck in the clichés of the society. So peole, lets cut the crap and reach to the conclusion – Do what you feel like. It doesn’t matter what people tell you. The final decision is your’s! Dare to dream and work hard to make them come true!!!